| Are you okaY? aRE you OKAY?? Are you okay ANNIE |
[22 Nov 2008|05:24pm] |
I used to sit around, caught in mirror with eye and thought
about how the world had scorned me and left me light-headed with some ugly concussion to the left side of my brain
There are all these criminals and boys who live lives clothed in shame
Got some big brand brother who likes to fuck up his lovers
And leave prostrated in pain
But is that really what it is like to be insane
Fall in love and get caught in a cycle of death and pain
Aint got nothing but fairness to regain
Is that what it is like to be insane
A river of hate, A river of hurt out-weighing the balanced scale on top my bod
I lain further into the ground, into the sediment of the world
Of a life full of strain to get to the top and beat out the maxed out egos of the world
yet never to get there and keep on believing
I think it what it is like to be insane
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| Hubba What |
[23 Aug 2008|10:33am] |
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Yet another school year is upon me. Pending upon my lackluster efforts to achieve geology stardom, I may or may not take the next year off. I have this unique ambition to be KATY THE ULTIMATE GEOCHEMIST, yet totally disengage when my professors are the most sexist, sons of bitches I have ever met in my 21 years of life. Goal this year: DONT LET THE MAN TAKE ME DOWN.
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| Dolphin, Dolphin on the Door, You Mean So Much More |
[01 Feb 2008|11:56pm] |
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One is never really plagued with hardships, when she is a good person-- a person who loves the world created for her as if she were the creator herself so that she may come to the understand that there is a new beginning to every end, and a dream for every desire. Creation is the mature accumulation of love and desire. Recently, I have acquired the understanding of karma. Or is it dharma? I guess am not truly knowledgeable of the innate definitions of karma and dharma, yet I do understand the meaning of "what comes around, goes around." And I thank God as my ultimate inspiration for my well aimed actions towards his world.
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[10 Nov 2007|04:40pm] |
Katy is...
it is so hard loving you.
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[11 Jun 2007|10:17pm] |
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what the shit do you want from me.
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[27 May 2007|12:17pm] |
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last night when your soft lips embraced my skin and you swept the hair out of my face, even if you were ridiculously drunk (i refrain from using the phrase inappropriately drunk because it was your birthday) i felt the rawness of life. I was overcome with the drunken, coarse reality that maybe i could love you after all. the sublime effects of the alcohol perhaps pushed me towards attaining this craftless premonitoin that feels as if it was ripped straight out of the an equally craftless soap opera. whatevs. lets do this.
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| why are you so far away, wont you ever know that i am in love with you |
[17 May 2007|12:49am] |
youre still the only boy ill love, but i drowned deep somewhere inside of you. i thought i might grow with you, everything was so untrue for every me inside of every you. i painted a picture so dark to hide the light from the bright, wish i could have plastered you on that canvas that night, maybe you would be here, every me inside of every you, premonitions, expectations, insinuations that hold excitations, every me, every you, all our biased stand untrue.
love you.
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| maybe if i was a ninja i would understand |
[10 May 2007|06:18pm] |
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why do people feel accomplished by some inane and incongruous sense of contentment. honestly, everytime i reach this undiabolicle perch of tranquility i feel completely ridiculous. i have always philosophied that life was craftlessly molded into some terrain of a forgotten road filled with potholes and vagrants, and I was left there, hand-in-hand with myself, to travel the road shunned from anything peaceful and harmonic. I just love the feeling of being accompanied by my sense of bewilderment, as we accompany each other through some tumultuous trail and defend one another with our emotions and willingness to live against everything evil and malicious in the world. my convictions probably just perplex and aggrieve most people, however, peace would boring. I just wonder sometimes where peace would bring anyone, its like the road to hell is pathed with good intentions. every thing everyone does is related to the world today, and look at it...are you proud of the world?
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[07 May 2007|11:51pm] |
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Right now I am quaked by the maddening idea that this summer will not be consumed by what I have always known. I have always known us, to sit together like two birds overwhelmed with the intensity of an evening song; two doves perched upon indifference and painted with the purity of amicability. I know we have never been together in the intimacey that might be depicted in some far-fetched version of a modern day Skakespeare. But you were you, and I was I, and we were we as we sang songs of friendship and chirped around the sound piches that pure happiness and love for a brother brings. Fuck.
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[07 May 2007|03:47am] |
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Duddy came over today, and we humped like wild jungle animals. He is leaving tomorrow morning to move to Texas, so he can become an ultimate fighter. You know the shit when you box in a cage? I'm going to eventually move out there when I graduate from college because I would like to become a bus driver. I dunno, I secretly hope he doesn't get a fighting contract because I would love from him to move back to Baton Rouge.
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[06 May 2007|01:52pm] |
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I sometimes think about the days, when I was young, not very brave, and I sat next to Ross, on a bench in a park, like a kitten gaurding her food. I was naive and always burnt, like the deadness exuded from the tip of a lamp post, and the dissapointed buzz from the insects looking for day, never really rubbed me in the wrong way. I sometimes think, when we were lying in my bed, innocent and telling each other our stories of traveling around in circles, teenage anxieties and battles, that was what a poet would colorfully paint as love. I sometimes think that you got away, as I remember you so well, so famous to me, your heart a legend, your heart a legend. You were the one who got away, but I still remember you so fondly.
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[16 Apr 2007|09:36pm] |
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the sublime effects of college encompass me like an unexpected rain. i am listless to my unconvential tendencies, and I have become to recognize myself as a beautful human being only accented by my faults and habits like the alluring feathers of the female peacock. I am swept into a wind of reality of absoluteness of collectivity of integrity as I no longer pass myself off to strangers as some perplexed recluse of my own mechanisms. I have found that harmony that I can only assume Ghandhi may have experienced when he began to love himself and took pride in his culture and homeland. I am no longer bargaining with myself to show the world who I am because now I am simply in a union with the with my brother and sisters to accomplish the dharma that every soul seeks to achieve.
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[16 Mar 2007|12:59am] |
Lately, I feel as if I am floating in satan's skull down a river, surrounded by miles upon miles heaped within the wilderness of hell. It's like I'm on an all expensive paid trip to see the devil or something.
When you don't have much to give, you don't have much lose.
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[04 Dec 2006|11:25pm] |
mm i cooked the most delicious jumbalya tonight.
still sick. wtf is up with that. maybe just stress? i dunno.
lately i noticed my little edna is getting her grandma kitty hairs. :-(
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[29 Nov 2006|11:49pm] |
just got back from working out.
lately i have been throwing up about 3 times a week. i need to see a doctor soon. this has been going on for the last month and a half.
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[17 Nov 2006|07:00pm] |
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life is no longer the tumultuous whirlwind of desperation it pre-existed as.
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[01 Aug 2006|01:00am] |
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sometimes i feel like wallowing in my own pool of bile and blood. i feel like i might be more in touch with myself if could feel my blood seeping into my skin. i feel trapped in my body, like some huge pressure of air is pounding down on me every few seconds.
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[22 Jul 2006|01:14pm] |
we are the shiz. the gangsta's allmighty. we are troubadors in our nike's. we travel under the street light. we whistle and walk to the drum-like beat. look at the cross i bear around my neck.
(to be finished later...)
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[18 Jul 2006|03:23pm] |
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Well, I am here. I have reached that pivotal step in every child's fate when she has her very own apartment. It is nothing it is cracked up to be, trust me. I no longer have good, ole mom to clean up after me. But that is a give and take situation right? Because mom is no longer around-- at all. I can laze about like some dool of a feline if I so desire. In some really warped sense, I am FREE. I mean, yeah, my parents still foot most of my bills. Technically this apartment is payed for and in their name, but hell I like the little sense of independence that my second year of college has given me.
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| I need a real journal |
[08 Jul 2006|01:44am] |
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I remember in high school an aquintance refering to me as "ambiguously mysterious." I was completely caught off gaurd. I always knew I was quiet and shy, but really, I had no idea, that I was MYSTERIOUS. Yeah, I hate people to know too much information about my life, call it a complex if you will, only thwarted by those horrible CSI shows where practically anyone with a government stamp on his wrist can find out the most miniscule information about your entire existence within the snap of a finger. Yeah, that freaks me out, sure I may have some really weird complex about the fact that it freaks me out to immense porportions, but really, does it make me all that mysterious. I had never really let the details all click before, and I don't want to doll in the past or anything of that liking, but I trully understand how the friggen hell I annoy people now. No one can look into my eyes, not even me, and understand my thoughts. I refuse to believe there is a higher power simply because of the fact that it scares the shit out of me that this power is "all-knowing." Really, if people knew I had a fear of losing ambiguity, I would freak out. I don't want people to know me. And I think that is the kicker. I want the closeness that comes with a relationship, but I just cannot handle the trust factor. Where did I ever gain such a demented sense of the world and lose trust of everyone around me. gah, well I have a big day tomorrow. I think I am just freaked out because I am going to start living with someone, and well that is scary.
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pixels_in_love's journal